New Edinburgh Cricket Club Ottawa

1.  "Why don't you throw him a piano, see if he can play that."
2.  "Those are the only balls you've touched all day." - to a batsman adjusting his box.
3.  "Feel free to use the bat"
4.  "You're like a donut - all edges, no middle"
5.  "Give your team some curry, they need the runs"
6.  "I left work early for this?"
7.  "You've got hands like a digital watch"
8.  "I'm a talent scout for shit cricketers.  Congratulations, you're in"

For Daryll, the umpire: 
9.  "Hey Daryll, did your glass eye fog up?"
10.   "Where's your guide dog, Daryll?"
 
Courtesy Cricket Speak by Justin Brown
Photo obtained from "cricket.mailliw.com"